


Until You're Home Again

by aloha_cowgirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x20? I don't know her, Angst, Castiel is in the empty, Dean Has a Dog, Dean has lost faith, Drinking to Cope, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Post-Canon, Sad Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:34:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27691478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aloha_cowgirl/pseuds/aloha_cowgirl
Summary: Dean is coping with the loss of Castiel.WIP - Post 15x19 (15x20? I don't know her.)
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6
Collections: Demon Void Army - Family Album





	Until You're Home Again

Dean didn’t even like dogs.

When Jack said he sensed a sign of life, though, his thought wasn’t on dogs. For the thousandth time, he saw the image of Cas, tearful and full of truth, baring his soul—but he didn’t even have a soul, did he? What he bared was more than that. It was pure and it was true, and it was grace and it was _love_. Dean hadn’t ever felt loved before, not like that. Cas’s words had carved themselves into Dean’s heart, and then… then he was gone. Swallowed by the Empty, leaving him alone, broken on the floor.

The hope that had dared to swell within him was gone, though, when he came across the mutt.

Dean still had a heart, even if it was currently in pieces. He wasn’t going to leave what was maybe that last living creature on the damn planet to fend for itself. So, he put the fleabag in the backseat of the Impala.

His heart ached when he looked at the stupid mutt, but he was happy to see her, nonetheless. Everyone was gone. Cas was gone. And yet, this dog was here. It wasn’t fair, but it meant something. It meant that maybe, just maybe there was hope—

And then she was gone. The dog was gone. Cas was gone. Everyone was gone.

Hope was gone.

*

A few weeks that felt like a lifetime later, Dean woke up to the sound of a car door slamming shut. The sunlight assaulted his eyes as empty bottles rolled off the patio lounge chair that he’d passed out on and onto the cement pavers beneath him. He was in the tiny backyard of the little house where Eileen lived.

The world had changed so much, so fast. Jack, stronger than Chuck ever was, had brought everyone back—Eileen, Bobby, Jody, Donna, Charlie—even the dog. Sam hadn’t left Eileen’s side since they reunited, and the dog hadn’t left Dean’s.

So much had been made whole after they defeated Chuck. But Dean was still incomplete. The one person that _hadn’t_ come back to them was the one whose face, smiling and tear-streaked, haunted him. _I love you_ echoed through Dean’s nightmares and he’d been doing his best to fill the growing hole in his chest with booze over the last few weeks.

The dog, _Miracle_ , had taken to following Dean around the bunker, watching him from afar at first, tilting her head in a way that made Dean’s heart ache. He considered all the mistakes he’d made throughout his entire adult life, pushing away the people he loved, when he found her watching him sleep, resting her chin at the edge of his bed one morning. And finally, he reached out to her. He pulled her up into his arms and ran his fingers through her fur as she curled up beside him. And from that moment, they became inseparable.

Some of the pain subsided. But in the back of his mind, he kept reminding himself that she was just a dog. She couldn’t fix the fact that everyone around him was happy, that they would go on and live normal lives, and he… he would always wonder what could have been. The pain would never really go away.

Maybe he didn’t want it to… because without the pain, there would be nothing left.

So, instead, he drank. He drank to numb the pain, to dull the images of Cas being swallowed up and dragged away, to quiet the echoes that rattled in his skull all day and night.

Sam kicked the lounge chair where Dean lay shielding his eyes from the sun. Miracle was sprawled out on the matching chair beside him.

“Dude, did you stay out here all night?” Sam asked, a note of concern in his voice.

Dean groaned, sitting up to collect the fallen bottles and line them up with the empties already on the table beside him. Miracle didn’t bother lifting her head as she watched.

“Didn’t wanna interrupt,” Dean answered, pointing a thumb at the sliding glass door that led into Eileen’s kitchen.

Sam rolled his eyes as he pulled a piece of paper from one of the canvas grocery bags slung over his arm. He held the flyer out to Dean who took it groggily and peered at it with one eye closed.

“Saw this at the store. Figured I’d let you decide what to do about it.”

And with that, Sam left him, slipping inside to join his waiting girlfriend.

Dean wiped his face with his hand, shaking off some of the sleep before making a second attempt to look at the paper in his hand. It was a black and white photocopy with large letters across the top.

_LOST DOG – Please help us find Sandy. Family grieving. Please contact with any info._

Dean looked over at Miracle. Her head tilted in that way that chipped away at Dean’s heart every time.

“’Sandy,’ huh?” Miracle’s ears twitched.

Dean felt ill. The picture on the flyer showed Miracle— _Sandy_ —sat in the middle of three little girls. The girls were in Christmas nightgowns and the dog wore a headband with reindeer antlers.

Tears welled in Dean’s eyes and he wiped them away roughly. Miracle jumped off her chair and moved to Dean’s side, nuzzling at his hand. He held his breath to hold back a sob as he scratched her head.

He knew he had to return her. There was no other option. He was too aware of the pain that comes from knowing that something you love is out there. He knew the pain of wanting that something to be returned to you. He felt it all the time now, even in the moments when he thought he was coping.

 _It’s not fair_ , he thought angrily. _Dammit, it’s not fair._

He didn’t even hear the door slide open behind him and didn’t look up when Sam sat in the chair that Miracle had just abandoned. Sam didn’t have to ask what was going through Dean’s mind. It was plainly written on his face.

“You should talk to him, Dean,” Sam said gently. “Pray to him.”

Dean just furrowed his brow and shook his head. They’d been through this already.

“For what, Sam? What can I say to him? If he could have—if he had _wanted_ —he would’ve brought Cas back already.”

“Dean, he’s still _Jack_. Maybe—”

“No,” Dean responded angrily. He stood, pulled a leash from his jacket pocket and hooked one end to the collar around Miracle’s neck and gave the other end to his brother. “Bring her home. Her family needs her.”

Without another word, he left, climbing into the Impala and tearing off down the road.


End file.
